How to be single without going on a killing spree
Color me miserable.
Somehow, in the midst of continuing to live past the age of 35 without a mate, I have attained some level of contentment. I'm not sure anyone still thinks happiness for a woman is only possible through marriage and childbirth. I'm not entirely sure anyone ever really believed that in the first place. Here I am... so untethered to anyone else's individual needs that having to 'be there' for someone at the spur of the moment really throws me into an old maid's tizzy. Oh my god, I'm right in the middle of doing that really important nothing that I had planned for right now... are you sure you need me to come over?
But you see, that's exactly my problem. I have to actually schedule precious moments of nothing. Because when you are single and you've made the most of it, your life is actually pretty full. Between improv comedy classes, composing pieces for this blog, dinner with my closest homie, and band practice and songwriting sessions, my week rarely feels like it actually belongs only to me. It belongs to every single one of my creative passions. And this is exactly where I wanted to be eight years ago when I was in one of my most "relationshippy" partnerships. Back when I lived with a musician and I envied all of his gigs and his talent. I look back on a version of me that was so sad and directionless, I am light years away from that miserable person. Thank god.
Now I actually have something good to complain about. I can complain about improv practice sessions that start at 10:30 p.m. Or my bandmate vetoing some lyrics I wrote. I can bitch about how I wish I worked part time so that I could clock in an eight hour shift composing blog posts and dreaming up story ideas. I can daydream about how I wish every day was a Saturday, and Christine and I could brunch five days a week. I can grumble about how I need to get back on track and put that three year old album out. And I guess... if I wanted to, I could get really sad about the status box I have to check: [single].
Except that I don't really have much time to be sad. And I have no shortage of really wonderful men to hang out with. Platonic friendships can go a long way towards giving a lonely girl a happy dose of masculinity. And if I get sad, I'll just watch Moonstruck or something, and reminisce about how cute Nicholas Cage was in the 80's. And if I get really sad, maybe I'll check my online dating profile. I'll browse until I get bored and remember how happy I am that I'm so different, and that not everyone is my cup of tea. I'd rather be alone with my trusted confidantes and my many creative obligations than settle (out of loneliness) for someone who isn't right for me.
So I'll keep on showing up to practice. I'll continue to brainstorm blog post ideas, and get mad at myself for sleeping in when I should have gotten up early to write. I'll try not to crush too hard on my platonic gentleman friends.
Keep it funny. Keep writing songs. Keep moving forward and creating.
This is my reality. And I wouldn't trade it in for anyone.